Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
