so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
