just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
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They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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