He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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