so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
