He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
