Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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