yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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