I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
