Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
