Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dear god my vagina.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
