Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
