life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Randomize
