oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
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