he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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