We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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