awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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