you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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