Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.