I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?