allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.