I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.