Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I enjoy the company of your penis
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