Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works

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(601): I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works http://tfl.nu/8yse

Replies (12) Good night (1309) Bad night (631)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

fuck the hobbit

(301): View more from Maryland

what about unicorns?

(732): View more from New Jersey

fuck those pointy horses

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(732): fuck the hobbit (301): what about unicorns? (732): fuck those pointy horses http://tfl.nu/k7om

Replies (9) Good night (2864) Bad night (923)
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(415): View more from California

its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead

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(415): its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead http://tfl.nu/3qus

Replies (45) Good night (942) Bad night (3555)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.

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(702): Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever. http://tfl.nu/0wgs

Replies (18) Good night (4488) Bad night (753)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...

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(978): guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out... http://tfl.nu/78da

Replies (23) Good night (964) Bad night (5367)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.

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(330): I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included. http://tfl.nu/hd7g

Replies (32) Good night (6599) Bad night (919)
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(817): View more from Texas

They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

(214): View more from Texas

Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

(817): View more from Texas

You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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(817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4

Replies (35) Good night (10700) Bad night (1534)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?

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(609): why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures? http://tfl.nu/ty0v

Replies (6) Good night (2198) Bad night (1158)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.

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(203): Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one. http://tfl.nu/lrd9

Replies (6) Good night (3956) Bad night (859)
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(915): View more from Texas

everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.

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(915): everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself. http://tfl.nu/tl80

Replies (8) Good night (2167) Bad night (1165)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.

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(513): I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake. http://tfl.nu/fip9

Replies (8) Good night (4381) Bad night (1160)
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(213): View more from California

The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.

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(213): The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out. http://tfl.nu/jmae

Replies (4) Good night (2297) Bad night (827)
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(646): View more from New York

Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.

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(646): Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini. http://tfl.nu/wt6x

Replies (3) Good night (842) Bad night (355)
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(229): View more from Georgia

For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.

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(229): For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later. http://tfl.nu/acsz

Replies (7) Good night (804) Bad night (393)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you

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(505): Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you http://tfl.nu/jh87

Replies (2) Good night (780) Bad night (218)

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