I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
