How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.