last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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