you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
