sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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