Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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