i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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