Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
