the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
