i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So much rum. So many feels.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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