I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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