im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
