i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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