the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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