apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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