So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
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I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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