they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Holy shit dude........stairs
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