one two three fourrrrnication!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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