I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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