There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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