I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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