Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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