remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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