I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
