Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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