Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize