i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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