Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
