I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
