'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
