I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize