i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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