ugly people sure do ruin things
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
