Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
