So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
