Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
