When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My breasts were aching with rage.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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