then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
