If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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