Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
