Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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