Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
