She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
