Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
