I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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