tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
