we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize