Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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