now i know why i became what i already was.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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