he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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