Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Randomize
